Friends

I have some terrific friends in my life, they are really the best kind of people. I connect with them on every single level.. except the lupus. Whenever I need someone to talk to, I know I can not go to them. It's very hard for me that something that's such a big part of my life, they barely know anything about. They don't know the day-to-day struggle of living with chronic pain & there is no way I can make them understand. While they go through the normal anomalies of being a teenager, I have to worry about these things that are much bigger & it makes me feel very left out. I can't have the normal 17 year old experiences & it really kills me sometimes. I don't get to be a worry-free teenager & none of my peers understand that or understand why I can't do things with them sometimes. It wears on me mentally knowing how different my life has to be due to this. It's just not fair. Why does this have to be my life? Sorry if this is so depressing but I need an outlet to talk about these feelings. This kind of talk just scares my friends & makes them ignore me, so this is all I really have.